There’s a healthy way to take a break during conflict. Asking for space—and specifying when the conversation will resume—can protect a relationship by giving both people time to calm down. 

The silent treatment does the opposite. Withdrawing without explanation or a plan to reconnect just creates a new conflict, leaving the person on the receiving end scrambling to figure out what went wrong.

Yet not everyone who goes quiet is trying to inflict pain. Some people shut down because they’re overwhelmed and genuinely incapable of having a productive conversation. We asked experts how to figure out what’s behind the silent treatment—and what to do when someone stops speaking to you.

First, figure out what kind of silence you’re dealing with

A healthy cooling-off period and the silent treatment can look identical from the outside, says Rachel Needle, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Fla. Both involve someone stepping away from a conversation. What changes the meaning of that silence is whether the person explains what's happening and offers some reassurance that the conversation isn't over. Most of all, it's whether they say when they'll be back.

Someone who’s emotionally flooded might say: “I need a little time to calm down before we keep talking. Can we pick this up tonight?” Doing so gives the silence a purpose and an endpoint, Needle says. If the person needs more time when the agreed-upon hour rolls around, they can say so and suggest another time. 

That communication sends an important message, says Enid Wilson, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Sacramento: “I’m still in this relationship. I’m just taking a pause on this conversation because I need to take care of myself.” Walking away or refusing to respond leaves the other person wondering whether the conversation—or even the relationship—is over. The best version also comes with a timeframe.

People withdraw for all kinds of reasons. They might be afraid they’ll say something they regret or have learned to protect themselves by shutting down. Some people simply haven’t learned how to sit with difficult emotions or repair a disagreement, Needle says, so “silence really becomes a way to escape the discomfort, rather than having to deal with it and move through it.”

In other cases, silence is leverage. It creates uncertainty and pressures the recipient to apologize or back down. Sometimes that strategy is conscious, Needle says, and sometimes it isn't. Whatever's motivating the withdrawal, the impact on the other person can be similar. "It creates anxiety, rejection, uncertainty, and a sense of being shut out," she says.

Because it’s impossible to climb inside someone else’s head, focus on what can be observed. Did they say they needed space? Did they give some indication of when they’d return? Did they follow through—or at least check in to ask for more time? Then ask whether this is a rare rupture, or the way every disagreement ends.

Context matters, too. There's no universal number of hours that transforms a delayed response into the silent treatment. If two friends usually exchange a couple emails a month, a week of quiet probably doesn't mean much. If a partner who texts throughout the day suddenly disappears in the middle of a tense conversation, it might. Texting also strips out tone of voice and facial expression, the signals that make intent easier to interpret. "You just miss so many cues when you're not talking either on the phone or in person," Wilson says. That's why she encourages moving difficult conversations out of the text thread.

Send one clear message—and then stop chasing

When someone abruptly goes quiet, the goal is to respond without escalating the conflict while staying grounded in your own needs, Needle says. Start by calmly naming what you've observed: "I noticed that you've gone quiet. I want to understand what's going on, but I also don't want to push you if you need some space."

If the silence is unfolding over text, Wilson suggests a question instead of an accusation: "It seems like now isn't a good time to talk. Can we set a time for later tonight or sometime this week?" That gives the person room to respond while making it clear that disappearing indefinitely doesn't work for you.

Then resist the urge to send six more messages. "One of the biggest mistakes that people make is reacting to the anxiety that the silence is creating, instead of responding to the situation itself," Needle says. That anxiety might inspire repeated calls and demands to talk right now. It might inspire apologies for things you don't believe you did. Some people abandon their own needs simply to get the other person talking again; others retaliate with silence of their own.

Those reactions are understandable, but none are especially useful. Chasing might briefly relieve your distress if the person responds. But “in some cases, it can actually unintentionally reinforce an unhealthy dynamic by teaching both people that silence is what finally gets a response,” Needle says. Returning the silent treatment, meanwhile, only complicates a problem already caused by a lack of communication.

These dynamics can easily become a pursue-withdraw cycle, Wilson says. One person experiences conflict as an urgent threat to the relationship and needs to resolve it immediately. The other copes by detaching or shutting down. The more the first person calls and texts, the more conflict the withdrawer perceives—and the farther away they retreat. "If that person is conflict-avoidant, you're creating more conflict," Wilson says. "So they're going to avoid it."

The way out is to step out of the cycle, at least temporarily. That means tolerating the discomfort of not getting an immediate response, and directing all that nervous energy somewhere else. "The best and healthiest response is usually just the least reactive one," Needle says. After expressing your willingness to talk and asking when the person can reconnect, shift your attention toward what you can control. "Go for a walk, call a friend that you trust, journal, engage in another grounding activity," she suggests, rather than staring at your phone and rehearsing apologies. Doing so helps ensure the other person's silence doesn't determine when you're allowed to feel OK again.

When things are calm, make a plan for next time

When communication resumes, you might be so relieved that you simply pretend nothing happened. But unless the pattern itself is addressed, the next disagreement might end the same way.

Needle suggests leading with curiosity: “Can you help me understand what was happening for you when you needed to step away?” Once you’ve listened, describe the impact without claiming to know the person’s intent: “When I didn’t hear from you and didn’t know whether we would talk again, I felt anxious and disconnected. I’m OK with taking space during conflict, but I need to know we’ll come back to it.”

Then decide together what a future timeout will look like. Avigail Lev, a clinical psychologist in San Francisco, encourages couples to agree in advance on how either person will signal that they need a break, roughly how long it will last, what they’ll do to calm down, and who will restart the conversation. If the person needs longer, they should still check in at the agreed-upon time and provide a new endpoint. Some couples and families even choose a code word that means the conversation is pausing, Wilson says—not that the relationship is disappearing.

It's also a good idea to set a boundary. Wilson likes to think of boundaries not as walls that block people out, but as roads that show them how to stay connected: "You can be here with me, but you can't just go off-roading everywhere." A boundary does more than ask the other person to stop going silent. It clarifies what communication you require in a relationship, and what you'll do if that need repeatedly goes unmet.

One episode of withdrawal isn’t enough to judge an entire relationship, Needle says. What matters is the pattern: Does the behavior change after it’s addressed? Are both people willing to repair the rupture? Or does restoring contact always require one person to get quieter and stop raising concerns? 

If the silence continues despite repeated conversations—or leaves you feeling controlled and perpetually on edge—it might be time to seek professional help or reconsider the relationship. Healthy relationships make room for people to calm down, Needle says. They don’t leave one person indefinitely responsible for managing all the uncertainty that someone else’s silence creates.

Taylor Swift already told us she can do it with a broken heart. That might be due to grit, stamina—or a little psychological trick called a coping mantra.

When she feels stressed by her circumstances, “I go through several processes and coping mechanisms,” Swift revealed in August during the Icon Sessions, a conversation presented by the Recording Academy’s Songwriters & Composers Wing. “And one of them is saying, ‘You chose this. You chose this every day. You could have opted out of this any day before it got unmanageably big.’ And I decided not to because I love it that much.”

Even if you don’t have plans to perform in stadiums worldwide, you might recognize the peculiar frustration of being trapped by something you chose—whether that’s the job you once desperately wanted, the committee you volunteered to lead, or the dinner party you insisted on hosting. “Where people tend to get really distressed is when they feel powerless, or like something's being put upon you—you're just sort of stuck in an achy feeling,” says Jill Stoddard, a clinical psychologist in Newburyport, Mass. “But if you remind yourself, ‘Wait a minute, this is actually a choice I made, and choices do come with difficult consequences, but I'm in charge here’—that empowers you to move forward.”

Enter the coping mantra: a short, deliberate phrase you can reach for when your brain starts sprinting toward the worst-case scenario. Stress leaves little room for nuance, says Dr. Jasmine Sawhne, a psychiatrist in Los Angeles. When your body is in fight-or-flight mode, you’re not going to reason your way out of it. A mantra gives your overloaded brain something simple to grab onto—and buys you a beat to choose what to do next. Here’s how to find one that actually helps.

Make your brain an offer it can believe

“Everything will be OK” is a lovely thought. It’s also a promise about a future you can’t see—which means your anxious brain might reject it before you finish the sentence.

From a cognitive behavioral therapy perspective, predicting that everything will work out is a form of fortune-telling, says Alison McKleroy, a San Francisco therapist and author of The Self-Compassion Journal. The same goes for affirmations like “I am confident.” If you feel unsure, your brain isn’t going to buy it. You can say it 1,000 times, McKleroy says, and still not believe a word of it.

Instead of predicting a rosy outcome or forcing a new personality, a useful mantra can state a choice that’s within your control. Swift’s is essentially: I’m choosing to keep doing this, difficult parts and all. “It’s a decision you’re making out loud,” McKleroy says.

Stoddard takes a slightly different—but equally reality-based—approach. When she’s crushed by too much to do and too little time, she tells herself, “I’ll get it done. I always do.” It works because in her case, it’s true. “I wouldn’t have a PhD in psychology if I didn’t always get it done,” she says.

If you’re someone who does not, in fact, always get it done, that phrase may not be for you. This isn’t an exercise in “blowing sunshine” at yourself, Stoddard says. The best mantra is simple, specific, memorable—and true.

Figure out what your brain forgets under pressure

Rather than reflecting on which situations stress you out, try a sharper question: “What do I need to remind myself when I get uncomfortable?” suggests Joanna Hardis, a Cleveland-based therapist and author of Just Do Nothing: A Paradoxical Guide to Getting Out of Your Way.

In other words, don’t choose a generic mantra for “stress.” Identify your brain’s favorite way of making stress worse, then find a phrase that interrupts it. If you tend to predict disaster, McKleroy suggests: “I can’t know that yet” or “I don’t have a crystal ball.”

Sawhne’s stress takes a different form: She tries to solve everything at once. She runs a bicoastal psychiatry practice and has two children under 5, and she often catches herself mentally juggling five problems at the same time. Her mantra—“I don’t have to solve everything right now”—reminds her that urgency and importance aren’t the same thing. She doesn’t need the entire day, week, or situation figured out; she needs to identify what requires her attention first.

McKleroy, meanwhile, likes to over-research, add more information, and complicate projects past the point of usefulness. So she tells herself: “Let it be simple.”

“Things are usually naturally simple,” she says. “I just add stuff to it.”

Keep it short enough to say in one breath

Cap a coping mantra at about four words. When stress hits, “we just don’t have a lot of cognitive bandwidth,” Sawhne says, so you need a few words you can pull “out of your back pocket” as soon as your nervous system fires.

Shorter also means fewer words to obsess over. “Perfectionists are going to overthink it,” Hardis says. “You just want something that’s short enough that you can remember that’s going to orient you.” Her own mantra—“Discomfort, not danger”—passes the one-breath test with room to spare.

Use it to keep going while the feeling is still there

Nearly two decades ago, Hardis underwent exposure therapy for an intense fear of flying. When the plane hit turbulence, she would tell herself: “This may suck, but I can handle it.”

She still uses that mantra. During rough turbulence on a recent flight home from visiting her daughter, “I found myself saying it,” she recalls. In the past, she would have stared out the window, listened for every ominous noise, and asked a flight attendant if the plane was OK. This time, she calmly repeated her mantra and kept reading. “It helped me get through the flight and do what I knew I needed to do,” she says.

The fear was still there; it simply didn’t dictate her next move. “The goal in anxiety treatment isn’t to make the feeling go away,” Hardis says. It’s to help you decide what to do while the feeling is still there.

Borrow one—and make it sound like you

There are no bonus points for originality here. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Palm Beach, Fla., and author of The Formula of Desire, uses “just keep swimming.” She borrowed it from Finding Nemo, which she watched with her kids. “That’s why it’s easy to remember,” she says. She also turns to “If it were easy, everyone would do it” when a project proves harder than expected. Her most exuberant mantra is a call-and-response: “Who is awesome? I’m awesome.” “I do it all the time,” she says. 

Once you settle on a potential mantra, say it out loud. Does it sound like something you’d actually tell yourself—or something embroidered on a throw pillow you’d try to hide? McKleroy recommends trying slightly different versions until one lands. “Brave” and “courageous” might look interchangeable on paper, for example, but one could feel much more natural coming out of your mouth.

You’ll know you’re getting close when the words produce even a small shift. The right phrase might bring “a little hit of relief,” McKleroy says, or make a spiral lose some of its momentum. If your brain instantly rejects it, change a word or scale it down. “Let it be simple,” for example, might become “Let it be simpler.”

Once you find one that works, practice it before you need it. Stoddard encourages clients to try new coping tools during low-stakes moments, when their emotions are relatively mellow. Call your mantra to mind when you’re running five minutes late, opening a mildly stressful email, or sitting down to a task you’ve been avoiding. Otherwise, summoning an unfamiliar phrase in the middle of a crisis will be “an uphill battle,” she says.

Put it where the problem lives

Years ago, when McKleroy was trying to stop procrastinating, she hung “Do it now” in big letters above her kitchen sink. “That was my command,” she says. “Just do the dishes.” After enough repetition, “do it now” stopped being a mantra and became a habit, and now she rarely procrastinates.

These days, “Let it be simple” hangs above her desk—prime territory for over-researching and adding just one more thing. McKleroy calls this “keeping it in existence,” or displaying the reminder exactly where you’ll need it.

That might mean taping your mantra to your computer monitor, writing it on the bathroom mirror, turning it into your phone lock screen, or putting it on the front of your journal. “If you’re really anxious, your mind’s not going to remember—it’s going to go blank,” Hardis says. A visual cue ensures the words are waiting for you when you need them.

Your reminder doesn’t even have to be made of words: McKleroy suggests drawing a circle on a stone and carrying it in your pocket or leaving it on the bathroom counter. To her, the circle represents simplicity. “A circle on a rock would be enough,” she says, to remind her to “let it be simple.” You could similarly choose a meaningful color, shape, or object. And—since this entire exercise began with Swift—you could even spell yours out on a friendship bracelet. 

Toilet paper has become a hot topic online. You don’t have to look hard to find videos of health-conscious influencers warning about supposedly harmful ingredients in toilet paper. But how concerned should you be?

Not very, most experts agree. But some also say that TP is worth examining more closely.

Concerning chemicals

Studies have found some concerning chemicals in toilet paper. A 2023 study looking for per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS) in toilet paper found them in 21 brands from around the world. Also known as “forever chemicals,” PFAS exposure has been linked to reproductive issues in women, developmental delays in kids, an increased risk of some cancers, and more. A 2019 study in Ghana found “elevated levels” of phthalates, which are endocrine disruptors that may cause developmental and reproductive harm, in toilet paper. That research also found polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs), which are associated with cancer, and semi-volatile chlorinated organic compounds, which have also been connected to cancer and reproductive harm, in toilet paper.

Some research cautions against toilet paper made from recycled paper because it could be made with discarded newspapers or recycled cash-register receipts, which can contaminate the product with BPA, a substance linked to reproductive issues, cardiovascular disease, and more.

There have also been concerns over toilet paper that is bleached, as bleaching can create dioxins, and concerns over toilet paper that includes formaldehyde, a carcinogen.

The ingredients in toilet paper, which manufacturers aren’t required to disclose, are potentially concerning because the skin on the genitalia and anus is thinner and more absorbent than other skin on the body, says Dr. Julia Saylors, an oncologist and integrative medicine physician based in Charleston, South Carolina. 

While skin is known to absorb chemicals, including PFAS, genital and anal areas are made of mucosal surfaces, a type of thin, moist, and more sensitive skin that leads to the interior of the body. This skin is more absorbent than the surfaces on our arms and legs, says Saylors.

“It is well known that applying a medication to the vaginal mucosa results in a substantially higher absorption if the same medication is applied to the skin,” Saylors says. “Therefore, any potentially harmful chemical is best to avoid in that area.”

And while Saylors says that toilet paper probably isn’t a person’s highest exposure to toxins—food packaging, cleaning products, and textiles are more significant sources—she says that any changes we can make to reduce toxin exposure are potentially helpful. 

Toilet paper does not pose a major risk

How toilet paper interacts with people’s skin in these areas and their overall health is not well studied. But the research that has been done suggests that toilet paper does not pose significant health risks, experts agree.

Dr. Amar Rewari, chief of radiation oncology at Luminis Health in Maryland, notes that PFAS and some other industrial chemicals are under study for possible long-term health effects, “but the levels typically found in consumer products like toilet paper are very small and not clearly linked to cancer.”

“Many of these chemicals, including PFAS, phthalates, BPA, and trace dioxins, can be found in small amounts throughout modern life,” he adds. “The highest exposures usually come from what we eat, drink, or breathe over time, not from brief skin contact with toilet paper.”

While BPA may be found in recycled paper, “the levels of BPA detected are generally low, and the clinical significance of these findings remains uncertain,” he says.

Bleaching, likewise, is not a huge concern, and modern processes don’t pose a significant cancer risk, he says.

“The concerns people sometimes hear about chlorine-bleached paper products largely stem from older manufacturing methods that used elemental chlorine. Today, most toilet paper is produced using elemental chlorine-free (ECF) bleaching, which relies on chlorine dioxide instead of chlorine gas. This process dramatically reduces the formation of dioxins and other potentially harmful byproducts and is widely accepted as the standard in modern paper manufacturing,” Rewari says. “The amount of residual chemicals in finished products is extremely low.”

Dr. Alok A. Khorana, professor of medicine in the department of hematology and medical oncology at Case Western Reserve University, agrees that toilet paper probably isn’t a major cause of exposure to toxins. “Exposure to environmental toxins through toilet paper is likely much smaller than those we’re exposed to in food and water, which has a more direct route into our system,” he says. Still, he says exposure to toxins through toilet paper is "worth investigating further.”

“There are several potentially harmful substances present, such as PFAS, and it's worth understanding whether exposure to these is carcinogenic in any way,” Khorana explains. 

He adds that we don’t have many studies yet, likely because concerns over toilet paper are relatively new—plus, Khorana notes it may be difficult for researchers to find people in the U.S. who don’t use toilet paper to compare to those who do. “Studies become challenging to conduct when the candidate risk factor is as prevalent as toilet paper use,” he says.

“I don’t think people need to avoid conventional toilet paper altogether,” Rewari says. “Most people will use conventional toilet paper throughout their lives without any problems.”

Still, he advises patients to choose products with fewer unnecessary additives when possible. “Fragrances, lotions, and dyes don’t improve hygiene, and they may increase the risk of irritation in susceptible individuals. For most people, a simple, unscented, dye-free toilet paper is a reasonable choice.”

An unexpected issue with toilet tissue

Chemicals in toilet paper can present other issues, says Dr. Hannah Kopelman, a dermatologist based in New York City. She says the paper product comes up in her practice more often than one might expect.

“I’ve had patients come in with itching and irritation, which they thought was a yeast infection or eczema flare, only to discover that the culprit was their toilet paper,” Kopelman says. “Most people assume all toilet paper is the same, but the reality is that some formulations can cause problems.”

“When they switch to plain, unbleached, fragrance-free options, the irritation usually clears quickly,” she says.

Dr. Meagan W. Shepherd, an allergist and immunologist based in Barboursville, West Virginia, says people are often surprised to learn how commonly allergens are found in toilet paper, noting that both traditional paper and flushable wipes can cause irritation.

“Wet varieties such as flushable wipes often have preservatives like methylchloroisothiazolinone and methylisothiozolinone, which together account for about 10% of contact allergen sensitizations in North America,” says Shepherd. Dry varieties, on the other hand, are more likely to include added fragrances or dyes, which can act as irritants or allergic triggers, she says.

“I frequently see patients with severe vulvar rashes caused by hidden chemicals,” she adds.

Shepherd also says that if people are struggling to find toilet paper they can tolerate, she recommends skipping recycled paper. “It can be rougher than regular varieties, leading to irritation,” she says. “Plus, trace amounts of various allergens found in the original paper product sources could still be present and potentially cause a reaction in those who are sensitized.”

Shepherd also cautions against recycled toilet paper—as well as anything marketed as “ultra soft.” “While meant to soothe, these products may contain softening agents such as lanolin, as well as fragrances, dyes, preservatives, and adhesives,” she says. “These can be irritating for some people and can cause unpleasant symptoms like itching, redness, and contact dermatitis.”

Kopelman adds that looking for words including “unscented,” “dye-free,” or “chlorine-free” on the packaging is more important than the base material.

“On its own, toilet paper is unlikely to be a major source of chemical exposure,” says Kopelman. “But for those with sensitive skin, choosing products without unnecessary chemicals in toilet paper is a simple way to avoid skin irritation.”

Two people in Pennsylvania have died from measles, marking the first reported deaths from the disease in the U.S. this year. 

The Pennsylvania Department of Health said on Tuesday, Aug. 25, that the two people who died were unvaccinated and lived in Lancaster County, the epicenter of a statewide measles outbreak that has sickened hundreds. 

No additional information has been released about the two people who died. State health officials said the deaths are the first measles-associated fatalities in Pennsylvania in 35 years.

“Because measles was largely eliminated in the [state] for more than three decades, people are not familiar with this disease and don’t fully understand the potential severity of the illness,” said Dr. Debra Bogen, Pennsylvania’s health secretary, in a statement.

More than 2,700 measles cases have been reported in the U.S. this year—the highest number of cases since the disease was considered eliminated in the country in 2000. In just the past two years, the U.S. has recorded more measles cases than it did from 2000 through 2024 combined.

Measles is a highly contagious viral disease that can cause high fever, a tell-tale rash, cough, and other symptoms. The disease can be mild for some, but about one in four people sickened with measles is hospitalized. Young children, pregnant women, and the elderly are among those who are at risk of more severe disease.

No specific treatment for measles exists. The measles vaccine—delivered as a combination measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) shot series—is 97% effective at preventing the disease and lowers the risk of complications if someone is infected. 

“As a physician, I want to make sure that people understand that the MMR vaccine is safe and provides the best protection we have against measles,” said Bogen.

Within communities, a vaccination rate of above 95% is considered ideal for robust herd immunity against measles. The national MMR vaccination rate among kindergarteners surpassed 95% in the 2019-2020 school year, but it has been declining ever since, according to U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data. In 2025-2026, MMR vaccination coverage was just 92.4% nationally, and about 93% in Pennsylvania. In Lancaster County, home of the largest Amish settlement in the country, the vaccination rate was under 88%. An estimated 25% of the Amish population in Lancaster County is vaccinated against measles, according to the Association of Immunization Managers, an organization of state and local immunization officials. 

Vaccination rates began notably declining in the U.S. during the COVID pandemic and have continued dropping amid increasing anti-vaccine rhetoric and policy under the Trump Administration. On Aug. 10, President Donald Trump signed an executive order that called for U.S. children to receive fewer vaccines and ordered the MMR vaccine to be split into three separate shots, despite a lack of scientific evidence to back the changes.

“Together, there could be a possibility they’re quite lethal,” Trump said of the combined shot, which has been in use for more than 50 years and has a strong safety and efficacy record.   

Doctors and vaccine scientists said Trump’s executive order and comments were unscientific and misleading. "As measles cases reach a 35-year high in the U.S. and with cold and flu season quickly approaching, [the] executive order on vaccines is not only disheartening but dangerous,” Dr. Andrew Racine, president of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), said in a statement at the time. 

The CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend that all children get two doses of the MMR vaccine, starting with the first dose at 12 through 15 months of age. 

An additional early dose of the vaccine can also be given to children aged 6 to 11 months under some circumstances, says Dr. Elizabeth Murray, a pediatric emergency medicine physician in Rochester, N.Y. “With the ongoing measles outbreak, make sure your children are immunized. If your child is under age 1, talk to your doctor. Depending on how much measles is circulating where you live, your doctor may recommend an earlier dose,” she says. 

The CDC also advises adults who haven’t been immunized against measles or who are unsure about their vaccination status to get the vaccine. The agency recommends that people who were vaccinated before 1968 with an older version of the shot get at least one dose of the vaccine in use now, which is more effective. 

For people fully vaccinated after 1968, however, there is no need to get a booster, the CDC says, as two doses of the vaccine should offer adequate, lifelong protection. 

Most people leave the monkey bars behind with childhood. Yet hanging from a bar—right-side up, don’t worry—may be one youthful habit worth picking back up, especially if you spend your days hunched over your desk and phone. (Guilty.)

“We look at kids on a playground—what are they doing?” says Australian physiotherapist Daniel Vadnal, owner of FitnessFAQs, who posts instructive videos on Instagram and YouTube. “They don’t need to be told to hang. They just intuitively do it.”

A few years ago, Vadnal persuaded his grandmother, now 93, to try a supported hang. That means gripping a bar overhead with straight arms but keeping your feet planted on the floor, rather than dangling your entire body weight. She was skeptical: She hadn’t even raised her arms fully overhead since she was a kid. But after just 30 seconds, she felt taller and looser—and found it easier to reach her kitchen cabinets.

Here’s what hanging can do for your body, how to keep your feet planted while you build strength, and why just 30 seconds is long enough. 

It gives your upper body a stretch

At its simplest, hanging means gripping a secure overhead pull-up bar—the kind that can be installed in a doorway—with straight arms while supporting some or all of your body weight. You remain right-side up: Your hands are above your head, and your feet point toward the floor or remain planted on it. Hanging upside down, known as inversion, is an entirely different exercise. “It’s fairly simple, but it’s not easy,” says Hazel Anderson, a physical therapist and faculty member at the University of St. Augustine for Health Sciences in Austin.

Whether your feet stay planted for support or lift off the floor, there are two ways to position your upper body. “The passive hang is, as the name suggests, just relaxed,” Vadnal says. “You’re letting nature, gravity, your body do whatever it wants.” Your shoulders move toward your ears, creating a stretch through the shoulders, arms, and trunk.

An active hang requires more effort. “You want to think of trying to bring your shoulder blades down away from your ears,” Vadnal says. That engages the muscles around the shoulders and back, creating more stability. Your elbows remain straight—and your feet can remain planted or off the floor—in either type of hang.

Vadnal considers passive and active hangs opposite ends of a spectrum. A passive hang still requires enough muscle effort to remain safely attached to the bar; an active one involves “really making a concerted effort” to hold yourself in position. He recommends choosing the amount of engagement that feels most comfortable for your body.

Reaching overhead may feel especially satisfying after all those hours slumped over your desk. Hanging “stretches all the tight muscles that we tend to have through the pecs, through the triceps on the back of the arms, as well as the lats,” Vadnal says. You’ll likely find it leaves you feeling a little taller—and less scrunched up through the shoulders.

That doesn’t mean 30 seconds on a bar will permanently correct your posture or treat back or shoulder pain; those claims haven’t been established in strong clinical trials. But hanging moves your upper body into a position it might not visit very often, which helps explain why people often step down feeling looser.

It makes your grip work

A hang might look passive, but your hands and forearms are busy keeping you attached to the bar. “First and foremost, it supports grip endurance,” Anderson says. “It’s helping with grip strength, but more with the endurance of being able to hold on to the bar.”

That endurance is useful for everything from carrying groceries to working toward a pull-up. “The hands, fingers, and forearms serve as a link to our back,” Vadnal says. Strengthening that link helps prepare you to support—and eventually pull—your body weight.

Research on short, recreational hangs is limited, and most studies involve climbers. In a small 2026 study, 11 climbers hung on until their grip gave out. As they got tired, their shoulders and other upper-body muscles increasingly pitched in to keep them on the bar.

Another randomized trial found that when experienced climbers hung by their fingers for eight weeks, with progressively more weight attached to the body, some measures of grip strength improved. The study involved extra weight and a climbing hold—not beginners attempting a relaxed 30-second hang—but it supports the idea that regularly asking your hands to hold you up can make them better at the job.

Grip strength is also widely used as a marker of overall health. “We do know that grip strength is correlated with longevity,” Vadnal says. In a study of nearly 140,000 adults across 17 countries, weaker grip was associated with a higher risk of death and cardiovascular disease.

That doesn’t mean hanging longer will make you live longer, Vadnal adds. Think of it as one useful signal—not a path to immortality.

Your feet can stay on the floor

Beginners don’t need to hover heroically above the ground. When you’re starting out, the bar is—quite literally—low. “I love the addition of a little step stool or platform,” Anderson says. Hold the bar with both hands, bend your knees slightly, and keep enough weight in your feet that the stretch feels manageable. You can gradually allow your arms to support more of you as you become comfortable.

“You definitely don’t need to jump straight to 30-second hangs all at once,” Anderson says. She recommends starting with a 10-second supported hang and repeating it three to five times, resting briefly between attempts. From there, work toward the 30-second goal. Vadnal likes three 30-second sets, but only after choosing a variation easy enough to complete with control.

Begin with your hands about shoulder-width apart. “That’s most comfortable for pretty much everyone,” Vadnal says, though you can move your hands wider or narrower based on what feels best. Wrap your thumbs underneath the bar to make your grip more secure.

If the typical overhand position bothers your shoulders, try a neutral grip, with your palms facing each other. Many gyms have parallel handles that allow for it, and gymnastics rings will rotate to accommodate your joints. Vadnal calls it “probably the most friendly position for the shoulders.”

Decide whether a passive or slightly more active hang feels better, and don’t worry about matching someone else’s position. Forcing your shoulders farther overhead than they can comfortably go may leave them sore or irritated, Vadnal says. Let your range of motion improve gradually instead.

Most importantly, remember to breathe. Anderson advises using “slow, controlled breaths” and making sure you’re not holding your air in, whether you’re a beginner or an expert. It’s easy to get so focused on staying on the bar that your whole body clenches up; a few steady breaths can help you relax into the hang.

“Don’t chase the clock,” Anderson says. If your form changes or you can no longer control the hang, put your feet down, rest, and try again.

Know when to let go

Hanging should feel like work—not like you’re about to injure yourself. “We should feel a stretching sensation; we should feel fatigued,” Vadnal says. “We shouldn’t feel pain.” Put your feet down if you experience sharp or persistent pain, numbness, tingling, or weakness.

Those symptoms are signs to stop, not to push through. Talk to a doctor or a physical therapist before trying again. Some people should seek guidance before they ever reach for the bar: Anderson recommends medical clearance for anyone who recently had shoulder surgery or an injury involving the neck, shoulders, elbows, wrists, or trunk. The same applies to people with shoulder instability, pain when reaching overhead, cardiovascular concerns, or uncontrolled high blood pressure. 

Osteoporosis doesn’t automatically make hanging off-limits. But because a fall could have more serious consequences, Anderson says, it’s particularly important to keep your feet supported and get personalized guidance.

Anderson recommends practicing two or three times a week on nonconsecutive days, which allows the muscles to recover. There’s no need to progress from zero hanging to auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. Add time or body weight gradually, and take a day off if your hands, forearms, or shoulders remain unusually sore.

If you like hanging, Vadnal suggests keeping a bar somewhere you’ll regularly see it, like in your laundry room. “It’s like daily hygiene,” he says. “You brush your teeth; hanging is a good thing, too.”

Your therapist has probably encouraged you to have difficult conversations, advocate for your needs, and resist the urge to avoid things that make you anxious. That’s all well and good—until, one day, the difficult conversation is with them.

If therapy doesn’t feel useful anymore, or if you’ve realized that you and your therapist simply aren’t the right match, it can be tempting to outsource the breakup to the cancel-appointment button. Yet unless there’s an ethical, boundary, or safety concern, experts say it’s usually worth having a conversation with your therapist before ending the relationship. It might improve the therapy. It might also help you find someone better suited to you, or simply allow you to leave without feeling guilty about ghosting the person who knows exactly why you tend to ghost people.

Speaking up could also save you from having to begin the search from scratch. “Your therapist could be the gateway to your next great therapist,” says Ryan Culkin, a licensed professional counselor and chief counselor officer at Thriveworks, which provides therapy and psychiatry services. They might be able to adjust their approach—or recommend someone who would suit you better.

Even if you already know you’re finished, breaking the news doesn’t require a dramatic confrontation or an elaborate defense. Here’s how to decide whether it’s time to call it quits—and how to do it painlessly.

Figure out what kind of discomfort you’re feeling

Good therapy isn’t necessarily easy. “Sometimes therapy can be really uncomfortable, but it can be incredibly productive,” says Eli Kraiem, a clinical psychologist in New York. A therapist might challenge an assumption you’re attached to, point out a pattern you’d rather not see, or encourage you to do something that scares you. Feeling unsettled after a session doesn’t mean it went badly.

Michael G. Wetter, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, prefers this question: “What is the discomfort accomplishing?” Productive discomfort generally leads to insight, reflection, behavioral change, or progress toward goals you and your therapist have agreed on, he says. If it’s a poor fit, you might notice you leave therapy feeling misunderstood or have the same conversation week after week without much meaningful movement.

Juliann Siwicki, a licensed clinical professional counselor in Vero Beach, Fla., thinks about it this way: “Are you uncomfortable because you’re talking about something hard? Or because you feel like you’re having coffee with someone and not getting help? Those are two different things.”

You should be able to name what you're working toward—a pattern you're trying to break, a decision you're stuck on, a reaction you'd like to change—and to notice how much airtime your therapist is taking up. "A therapist can share something about themselves if it helps the client," Siwicki says. "It becomes too much when the client is spending the session listening to the therapist's stories, or feels like they need to take care of the therapist."

Kamran Eshtehardi, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif., has heard the far end of that spectrum. One client described a previous therapist who "thought it would be helpful to tell me about when they cheated on their wife"—including that his wife left him, and that he later saw an escort. "And I'm like, ‘What? Like, a therapist told you?’" Eshtehardi says. "Those are major red flags."

What was once a good fit can also change over time. A therapist who helped you through a crisis might not be right for your next stage. "A great therapist might not be great for you," Culkin says. "It's kind of like dating—you're not going to get it right the first time every time."

Even finding that “the therapist gets on your nerves” doesn’t necessarily mean you should quit, says Eshtehardi. A rupture doesn’t mean the therapy has “rotted on the vine,” he says, and progress sometimes develops “underneath the surface” before reaching a tipping point. But if you’ve explained what you need and nothing changes—or there’s no sense of progress—your frustration deserves attention.

Serious boundary violations, unethical behavior, or anything that makes you feel unsafe are different. You don’t need to attempt a repair before leaving, nor do you owe the therapist another session.

Say what isn’t working

If you’re open to continuing with your therapist, with the appropriate changes, describe what you’ve noticed and need—without turning the conversation into a performance review.

Try: “Our sessions have started to feel conversational, and I need more structure, feedback, and therapeutic insight. Can we talk about that?” Or: “I’m not sure what I’m working toward. Could we revisit my goals?” Culkin suggests language as straightforward as: “That didn’t land with me,” “I want to try something different,” or “I really liked when you did this.”

Eshtehardi recalls a client telling him that the usual sympathetic responses—“I’m so sorry to hear that” or “That must have been so hard”—didn’t work for them. “I just want to get stuff on the table and say, ‘OK, what’s going on here? How do we work with this?’” the client told him. That feedback helped Eshtehardi calibrate his approach. “I’m not saying it’s necessarily the client’s job to help train the therapist,” he says, but clients can explain what they’re looking for and how they prefer to work.

If you know you’re ready to leave 

Sometimes you’re not interested in recalibrating the relationship—you’ve already decided to end it. In that case, the goal isn’t to persuade your therapist that you have a good enough reason to go. It’s simply to communicate your decision in whatever way feels most manageable. 

You don’t have to deliver the news face-to-face. A call, email, or text is fine: “I don’t want therapy and the therapeutic relationship to be another source of anxiety for my clients,” Eshtehardi says. For someone accustomed to conflict or pushback, sending “I’m sorry, this isn’t working for me” and receiving a calm response can itself be therapeutic. You might realize, he says, that “maybe there’s a way to connect with people that doesn’t feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing.”

Eshtehardi also encourages clients who feel guilty to view the conversation as an opportunity to “practice trusting that someone else is going to be OK,” and trusting themselves to make the right decision. Your therapist’s response will provide useful information. A therapist who responds with openness and a willingness to adjust is giving you one kind of information; defensiveness or guilt-tripping gives you another. If the therapist acts wounded, Eshtehardi thinks of it as a “double whammy.” It might hurt, but it also “confirms that you’ve made the correct decision to stop therapy.”

You don’t need to build a case for your decision. “When it comes to trying to find the right fit, I don’t think clients should have to worry about having to justify their perspective,” Eshtehardi says. He suggests keeping the message simple: “I don’t think it’s the right fit. I’d like to stop sessions, and I really appreciate your time. Thank you.”

And try not to assume you’ve devastated them. Therapists are trained to handle patients leaving, Kraiem says. If yours can’t tolerate it, “then there’s a problem with the therapist, not with the patients.”

Make the transition easier on yourself

If you need consistent support, try to line up a new therapist before leaving your current one. Ask your therapist if they can recommend someone with a different style or specialty.

Before booking, confirm the new therapist accepts your insurance. “There’s nothing worse than getting through that first session” only to discover they don’t, Culkin says. You can also ask how they structure sessions, establish goals, and respond when a client disagrees. Be candid about what helped the first time around, what didn’t, and what’s important to you this time. Culkin encourages therapists to ask what clients appreciated about past providers and what they wish had been different. “Those are gold answers,” he says.

It’s not mandatory, but Kraiem recommends a wrap-up session, if you’re comfortable: “Let’s have one session to reflect on the experiences, process how you’ve improved, how you’ve grown through therapy, and maybe areas that still need improvement,” he says. 

Ask the practices about transferring relevant records. You’ll typically sign an authorization specifying what can be shared. Whether you want a direct handoff depends on why you’re leaving, Eshtehardi says. If you felt misunderstood, the former therapist’s perspective could “muddy the waters,” and you might prefer a clean start. If your therapist is referring you to someone with more specialized expertise, a conversation could help them get up to speed more quickly. In that case, Eshtehardi tells clients, “I’ll tell you everything I tell them so you know what they know.”

Finally, cancel future appointments and settle outstanding balances or other loose ends. Eshtehardi suggests asking: “Are there any last things we need to do?” If medication is part of your care, coordinate with your prescribing clinician about refills.

Changing therapists isn’t proof that treatment failed. Sometimes successful therapy means repairing a strained relationship. Other times, it means recognizing that the relationship has run its course—and using the difficult-conversation skills you’ve practiced to say so.